Saturday, January 22, 2011

Male-Bashing, Domestic violence Against Men on the Increase - Part 2

(Please see Part 1 here).

Disclaimer: This writer is not a psychologist and cannot delve into all the problems surrounding male or female rape or abuse. If you are a man or a woman involved in domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline:1-800-799-SAFE. If you're in immediate danger, call 911.

The emasculation of the male on television and the Hollywood big-screen may have originally been caused by women becoming more vocal in real-life over male-on-female abuse. Also, with the Feminist Movement, we became more conscious (and rightfully so) of dead-beat dads walking out on responsibilities.

However, can this have contributed to growing problems of domestic violence by women abusing their men, verbally or physically?

Whether or not disrespect for men on TV can roll over into women and children doing it in real life, we have a growing problem of domestic abuse perpetrated on men.

Due to hard economic times and American people having a skewered vision of always expecting the other person to make them “happy” all the time, both men and women are becoming more abusive.

According to Oregon, of every 100 incidents of domestic violence, 40 cases are now violence by females against male partners. Men are even less likely to come forward than women because of their pride.

The website states that women are increasingly becoming verbally and physically violent due to the same reasons as men: Alcohol abuse and psychological disorders. But the one probably affected most by our economic times – and responsible for the increase – is unrealistic expectations of both themselves and their partner.

Because of our desire for material comforts and all of our American freedoms, we’ve grown to expect “happiness.” Many times we think “this is the person that’s going to make me happy” – while the other person is depending on you to make them happy.  

Women Against Domestic Violence lists these reasons why a certain type of woman may become violent toward her man:
-She has internal insecurities, emotional problems, faced trauma during childhood, has addictions, or has attempted to withdraw from addiction.  
-She blames the man rather than examining her own problems and taking responsibility for how she lives.
-She refuses to admit needing treatment, and instead insists the man needs treatment.
-She believes her man is responsible for making her feel worse or better.
-When the man can't make her feel better, she becomes frustrated and assumes he is doing it on purpose.

There is another source of help. He is God. I truly believe if couples would turn themselves back over to Jesus as Lord - never mind the awful things being said about "religion" and specifically Christianity - we could find indescribable joy instead of momentary happiness. And everyone would be treated better.

Ephesians 5, excerpts:
1-2: “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children, and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…
3 … among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people…
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.
24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—
30 for we are members of his body.
31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."  

Scriptures are taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2010 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.


Hannah Thomas January 23, 2011 at 7:20 AM  


I guess for myself I have never 'pigeon holed' violence on gender in this way. They way society fights about who abuses more? The first thing that comes to mind is THIS is NOT a competition!

To me that is how they approach it at times in order to blame the other gender, and that gets us no where fast. Violence has always been present. We just have been brave enough to finally talk about it.

'''Whether or not disrespect for men on TV can roll over into women and children doing it in real life, we have a growing problem of domestic abuse perpetrated on men. '''

If we look at shows in the past that were popular? I Love Lucy was a classic. Was she used as a stereotype for women? I'm sure in some circles she was. What about June Cleaver? Did people use her as the hallmark of comparison, and use her if your wife didn't measure up?

Those are two extreme opposites, and you can find that with men characters on television today as well. Were there statements such as there is today the other way around towards women with the same intense concentration? I suppose we could use the 'dumb blonde' right?

I see comedy shows with popular male personalities. They are the fall guy just like Lucy was in the past. The fall guy is a formula for laughter, and not meant to be for 'emasculation'. Goodness there are tons of other shows that present male figures in the opposite direction. Are we getting to sensitive I have to wonder!

It will be nice if society would stop looking for diversions to blame, and get into the meat of why people are broken in this fashion. Its due to a mindset - not gender.

Sheryl, Author of post January 23, 2011 at 11:08 AM  

Great points, Hannah. Your comment about mindset addresses my closing scripture.

Ken J Smith February 5, 2011 at 7:56 PM  

The numbers don't surprise me. I am confident that in reality the numbers are probably equal but more men than women do not report the violence. There is a great stigma to men reporting that have been "abused" by a woman. Even more unfortunate is that mindset and stigma is so engrained in society that is little help and support for men in this situation. I didn't realize just how little until I met a man at the coffee shop the other night. He literally broke down in tears on me. He is tracking his thoughts and experience in a blog to help him sort out his thoughts and his life. You can see it at

Ms. "V" (Victoria Thomas Poller) August 13, 2011 at 6:02 PM  

Very interesting and I went to "Cantankerous old fart" and see that there are many people out there that continue to 'hurt people' and gender doesn't matter.

There is a post on my Face Book page that reminds parents to be on the lookout for 'Bullies':

Special request to all kids & teenagers returning to school this month:If you see someone at school who is struggling to make friends, or being teased because he/she is different or shy or doesn't have the nicest clothes & shoes -- PLEASE STEP UP! Just say "hi," sit next to him or her at lunch, or at least smile at him or her in the hallway. You never know what that person might be facing outside of school. Your kindness could make a BIG difference in someone's life :-) Please share!

Thanks for the post Sheryl

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